Sunday, January 1, 2012
It is 2012 and I have been saying for many years that I have believed and felt deep inside that 30 was going to be the best year of my life. Well I am 8 days away from my birthday and I am seeing signs that my life is really headed in the right direction.
It may sound so cliché’ but I am getting a fresh start and doing my best to make peace with my past. I lost someone very close to me in 2011. Will never truly be able to wrap my head around how she ended it so fast, but I feel like I am getting to the point where I can simply release her and send her love and light. I truly hope she finds whatever it is that I could not provide her with. I hope she knows I how much I love her and that I will never forget her.
What gifts we brought to each other. Finally the assertiveness that I knew was always hiding in her somewhere is finding the strength to come through. From a willingness to see the others point of view she merely did what she felt was her only option to put an end to something she could no longer be around.
I am no longer afraid to be on my own, here I am in my new place typing about how bright the future before me is looking. What massive growth has taken place in four short months. With my back against the wall, not knowing what to do I did my best to stay strong. And while at times I took the easy way out and got lost in a bottle once or twice I kept pushing on. I kept praying to God, turning to my family and my friends who all believed in me.
Unwavering support for me that I will never ever forget. Friends took me in and let me impose on their lives for four months, baby and all they embraced me and truly made me feel like I was part of their family. What a beautiful gift they gave me, I felt safe, secure, and most of all loved.
A close friend who went through an even tougher situation in my opinion put his own hurt aside and was there for me morning or night, complaining or crying, needing advice or simply needing to bitch, how grateful am I.
Someone close to me who could of easily cut ties with me stood by my side. He said he would be there for me no matter what because I was there for him when he needed it the most. What a beautiful act of selflessness.
There are so many people I would love to thank right here but the list would go on forever. Just know that if you were there for me I am so grateful and will never forget it.
A special thank you to my immediate family: Mom, Dad, Kim, Angie, Dave, Ally, Zachary thank you for never letting me give up, thank you for supporting me no matter what I wanted. Thank you for supporting me when I refused to think with my brain and kept thinking with my heart.
It really feels that life has bigger plans for me than I have ever had for myself. It feels like I am not alone even though I just packed up and moved away from everything I know.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “ Believe in yourself. You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face... You must do that which you think you cannot do.”
How proud of myself am I for facing my fears and just doing it. I thought packing up my life and leaving for the Navy was scary, that fails in comparison to the most recent steps in my life. Here I am in a new city, a new home, not knowing anyone and yet I cannot help but be a little excited about what is to come. Yes I am a little stressed (OK a lot but I have help for that too, Dr Eisen my amazing teacher) and my body kindly reminds me that I have some things I still need to work on.
Even though I am so far from my home I know I am not alone. I know I can go within and talk to my Source and feel that love that I crave. I know I can pick up the phone and call those closest to me and they will cheer me on. I even know a few may make the trek down South to come see me (Janine made it first)!
Well 2011 sort of kicked me in the ass, and now in 2012 I feel like it is my turn to kick back. As long as I continue to write I believe everything will be just fine. Expressing my feelings on paper, whether good or bad is such a release for me. I merely write for myself but as I have shared on my blog over the last two years the feedback I get encourages me to continue to share. Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read my words, I hope you enjoy them and hope they may help you as they help me.
Here is to the best 2012 for all of us!