Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Right here, right now I am in control.
I have struggled my whole life with the need for control.
I may even venture to say it has been my greatest challenge in life so far, and most likely always will be,
Ask me how well I do in controlling things that are uncontrollable and I may come up with a few good answers. I may have a few good one-liners, but in reality I am just as far from being in control today as I was the very first time I tried.
I have tried to control others,
I have tried to control the events of my life,
I have tried to make others see things the way I think they should,
I have question other’s beliefs,
I have in all my glorious foolishness tried to control just about everything,
What a struggle control can be,
What a constant tugging and pulling battle within me as I try,
It is no wonder at times I have no energy,
It is no surprise that sometimes my body finally says “Hey time to slow down” in the form of a headache or my most recent addition of a hernia.
Where the beauty comes in, where the truth shines through, where I feel proud is in the moments I have where I realize my faults.
The true strength comes in those few moments where I am willing to let myself off the hook,
My greatest potential is in those glimpses of true vulnerability, when I pray to God for help because I realize I really cannot control anything.
One of my biggest faults comes in the form of a few simple words:
THE CONSTANT PURSUIT OF PERFECTION
What powerful words. The constant pursuit of perfection. The perfect job, the perfect body, the perfect wife, really the list is endless.
The most basic flaw with the pursuit of perfection is so many of us compare our definition of perfection to your definition of perfection.
In constant pursuit of this I have come to a few realizations. The first is there is no need for perfection (as I struggle to swallow this one myself). Second who decides what perfect is anyway. I think it is safe to say that there are as many definitions of perfection as there are people on this planet. Our diversity is what makes us human, therefore really there is no PERFECT.
Honestly it is not the pursuit of perfection that is necessarily the bad part, for me the pursuit of perfection has served me very well. Perfection is a very powerful motivator in my life. I believe the strong drive in me to always be better, to always improve is a good thing. I think it is the driving force behind the evolution of my life.
I am learning to use that driving force to be a positive influence in my life. I am accepting that not only do I not want to be perfect but also it would not serve me well. What happens if I am suddenly PERFECT? Does that mean I no longer have any goals? Does that mean I no longer wish to improve upon anything in my life? Well what would be the fun in that?
I believe I am here to rediscover myself in this journey called life. I belief the purpose of life is the evolution of my soul. I believe that the good and the bad in my life come to me at just the right time so I as a person, as spirit can continue to grow.
Ultimately I truly believe the entire point of life is to learn to love yourself no matter what. Unconditional love is hard to come by from others. However, I am learning to love myself always, in all-ways. If I cannot love myself when things are tough, or when I am down how can I expect someone else too. I believe Love is all there is, I believe God is always with me, and when I stop and breath I am reminded of that constant love that is flowing through me and to me at all times. It really is a simple plan: Love thyself, no matter what!
I am suppose to make mistakes, I am suppose to want to do better, I can and will thrive when I stumble because I am not one to stay down forever. If it were not for my mistakes in life who would I be today.
I have met small challenges in my life with small improvements, I have met some of the biggest challenges in my life with some of my greatest breakthroughs. Some challenges in my life I still struggle with...
In these lessons of life some of my greatest teachers have been shown to me. In some of my mistakes I have discovered just how strong I am, how brave I can be, and how much I love those around me. My most recent mistake has brought me new amazing friends who took care of me when I was down. I have never felt such appreciation.
As my life continues I am going to do my best, make some mistakes and try to learn from them. I will try to love everyone the way I wish to be loved. I accept I will make mistakes. And I will remind myself frequently that the greatest source of love I have is within myself. Simply close my eyes, let go and let God!