Monday, December 5, 2011
Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. -Tennyson
I am not so sure I agree with this statement. I have read it many times, quoted it at random and seen it used in the movies...
Never really anticipated I would be at a crossroads in my life where this statement means so much...
Did not foresee this is how things would end,
This unbearable aching in my heart,
Tightness in my back, stiffness in my thighs, barely able to turn my neck,
So painfully obvious that my body is doing its part to bear some of this emotional burden,
Wanting to thank my body for taking some of the toll but the frustrataion just runs deeper
Such an unfamiliar feeling to me this sadness that radiates through every fiber of my being,
And here I thought I could trick my emotions, I am over this,
Convincing everyone else that I have made peace when in reality
I feel like my struggles have just begun,
Masking the feelings with some booze only to have them coming roaring back twice as hard the next day
Fooling yourself that you are ready to move on, making a fool of yourself in front of another because you cannot hold it together,
These peaks and valleys are like nothing I have ever experienced
How is it possible to go from so high to so low so fast?
How is it that you can never say the right thing?
What else can I do but be as strong as I can and accept this will be a long ride...
And now I have decided not to run from my emotions but rather accept that sadness to is just a feeling, and I am hoping if I just let it run its course...
Feeling like I let something so good get away from me,
Regretting some of the decisions that I have made,
Getting lost in this darkness for now rather than trying to trick myself out of it,
Questioning my faith, wondering how this serves me,
In this darkest of dark moments I still feel strong, I still see the light, although it is dim,
I wish for the end to come soon,
I hope for better days,
I look forward to the day when I can sit back and appreciate all that this taught me
For now I just accept that I am sad...
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation -Gilbran