Cannot help it. God knows I try...

I am finding myself lost in sorrow right now,
I am finding myself regretting the past again,
No one ever told me it was going to be this hard,
No one ever told me it would hurt so much,

The nights are no longer my enemy but at times the days are still longer then I care for,
there is still love there,
there is still pain there,
she is still there

Is it because I held my emotions in for so long,
I feel like I am destined to keep repeating this pattern because I have yet to embrace all the gifts that come with this struggle,
I can write them here in words,
I can conceive them in my mind,
but here I am again,

i know i am not alone but
no one knows how I feel,
heads may be nodding as they read through this but I miss her,
God I fucking miss her...

Wishing I had the right words, the right actions,
but the pain just builds because I know the wall is too high to get over,
I can keep reaching
but my arms will merely fall by my sides as they grow tired

My words mean so much to me,
each one a precious gift,
it hurts that my words mean so much to me and yet she
can simply brush them away like trash on the street,

some will tell me that it is best to walk away,
and i know they are right,
i know it is time,
and yet every time I look over my shoulder there is still only one face that I wish was staring back at me,
only one i want in my arms,
only one i want in my heart,

why is it so hard to do and so easy to say,
i am trying to set you free,
i am trying to release you,
i want to open up this lock on my heart
but there is such a part of me that does not want to give you the key...