Opportunities

Opportunities can present themselves in the strangest ways sometimes,
As the sheer panic and anxiety increased so did the chance to conquer them,
This is not about me,
I need to focus,
I need to act quickly,

In an instant all negativity is vanished,
Those feelings were wisped away like a leaf in the wind,
I would do anything for you,
Praying to God that everything will be o.k.
Practically on my knees begging for mercy,
Wishing we were not alone,

Asking for help and strength,
Asking to not be alone,
Asking to understand,
Asking what I need to do,

In that moment it came to me like a light being switched on,
Instantaneous confidence, a reassurance that we are not alone,
A sense of strength that I know I need right now,
Feeling love in the most perfect form,
Tears rolling down as I hold your hand,
Calm racing through my body, anxiety decreasing,
Concentrating on what matters,
Amazingly my head does not hurt at all,

There is a desire burning within me,
In a strange way this unfortunate situation is the perfect opportunity,
Knowing more than ever that this is the time,
Seeing the perfection in the way the things unfolded,

A chance to close the gap,
An occasion to be what you keep saying you want to be,
The time for us to be what we know we can be,
Moving forward with a clean slate,

There is a certain beauty in the way the Universe works,
A unique perfection if one is willing to step back,
Every situation good or bad is an opportunity for growth,
There is help if we simply surrender and ask,
It is undeniable that love is the answer,
Love is all we every need.

29

Today I have been on this planet for 29 years, as I sit here and reflect I have many fond memories of great times. As I think about all of those good times I am hopeful that 29 is going to be my best year. I have many things I would like to accomplish this year before I reach 30. So many small things, and throw in a few big things to keep the Universe on its toes.

I am excited this year because I have a lot of wonderful things to look forward too; the first thing that jumps out at me is Meredith. We will be together for 5 years this April. I get to travel to Chicago at the end of the month, one of my best friends is getting married, I am doing well in grad school, and it seems to me that opportunities will just keep coming to me.

Meredith and I

There have been plenty of bumps in our road but to be together after 5 years is a testament to us and our willingness to face adversity. However there has been plenty to laugh about too. I still remember when we drove out to California for the first time. I had just purchased my new car, which I happily named Lucille, which drove Meredith nuts. But I loved that car; it was my first new car that I saved and saved to pay for. There was the excitement of driving through Nebraska:) and seeing the Colorado Rockies for the first time. Stopping off in Vegas and eating myself so stupid at a buffet that Meredith literally had to push me up the stairs to get back to my car. Arriving in California and at first being utterly filled with disappoint. In hindsight it was not that I disliked Cali I was just so nervous to be 3000 miles away from everyone and everything I knew.

What about getting married on the beach in Santa Barbara, it really could not of been any more perfect. Meredith looked amazing, I looked all right myself, we had our families there and our Chaplin was amazing. The food was great, the weather was nice, and everything just fell into place that day. Do I dare mention that two and half bottles of champagne later that I was so drunk on my way to the bathroom I walked right into the glass door of the hotel room that divided the dining room from the bedroom. She may never let me live that one down.

Oh and how wonderful it was to meet up with the family the next morning for brunch and explain to them how bad I need a bloody Mary because I was hung over something fierce.

The road got a little rough there for a while, but I find it hard to believe there is any marriage that it always stays peachy. We stayed at it, kept plugging away and now that we are almost to five years, we can rest our heads knowing we weathered the storm.

29 has a lot of things to offer to me and when I look at the big picture there are so many things falling into place and things to be happy about that I need not trip up over the small things. I have a wife that loves me, a great family, some really good friends, some excellent clients, we live in an amazing house in a beautiful place, we own our cars, we have health insurance, we have great jobs, we never go hungry, we can stay warm at night, we have our puppies, the list really does just keep going.

29 is going to be the year that I start to face more of my fears, try new things, stay committed to having even more fun. I started the year off on a bang and went and hung out with a bunch of people I have never met before. This is a huge accomplishment in the world of Anthony. I was proud of myself and long behold I actually had a good time. I am going to pursue other opportunities for employment, I do not need to stop training but I am certainly not opposed to finding something better.

29 are going to be the year that I stop this fucking struggle with my health. These headaches will become obsolete, I rarely get them anymore. I know how to keep them at bay and I just need to stick to what works. I have a great teacher, she showed me how and I can do it. I know everything I need to do, I am capable of doing it and I will do the best I can and then let the big man guide me the rest of the way.

29 is going to be the year I relax more, I am willing to admit that I cannot always be in control. I can be really chill and calm for the most part but let’s not forget who my mother is, it certainly is a change of pace :). Breaking old habits can be hard but I have already come so far. I believe I can have control over how I let any situation affect me, but I may not always control what happens. That is ok, that is something I am going to have to work at but I can do it.

29 is going to be the year that I learn to nap when I am tired. Simply giving myself permission to let go for a few hours will do me great benefits. I can do this. I have a wife who is wonderful at napping and I can do it with her.

1-28 was all great in the own right. The ups, the downs, the knowing, the not knowing. It was all perfect and exactly what I needed to get me to this point. 29 will be the best year of my life. It already is as I sit here and reflect how good things really have been.

Why I choose FAITH

After an incredibly in-depth conversation with a dear friend of mine recently I have been inspired to write about faith.

The basis of much of our conversations was based on how could I choose faith? Why do I believe in hope? How do I see the good in those that may not even see it in themselves?

I choose to believe that FAITH stands for Finding Answers In The Heart. I believe that I decide how I feel. I believe that if I continue to practice my meditation and stay committed to living in the now my heart will give me everything that I need.

When I am sad, anger, ANXIOUS, I believe the energy inside of me is trying to get my attention. I believe that I am in control of my anxiety and ever since I put my foot down I do not lose as much.

I choose to have FAITH because in my darkest hour, when I thought my family and friends had given up on me, I discovered I was not alone. I felt the presence of something so great I knew it was important to go on. I knew that I was not finished yet. I knew that no amount of science could answer what I felt; I knew that it was all that there is. I saw my place, I understood my purpose, and I took my head out of the clouds, saw the sun and knew why I was here.

I choose to have FAITH because I am willing to admit that there are things I just do not understand. I have FAITH because I see the signs when I pay attention. I have FATIH because I have seen the clues, felt the presence, and got glimpses of it in action. I have FAITH because I understand and am willing to admit that I have not evolved to the point that I can truly grasp all parts of my existence.

I choose to have FAITH because I believe everyone is doing the best that they can. I choose to have FAITH because I know there are those that do not. I stay strong and committed to my FAITH because I want to be a light for those who are trapped in the dark.

I have FAITH because I believe there is way more to life than what is in front of our faces. I believe there is more to life then what our brains can conceive. I have FAITH because some things are not meant to be explained.

I choose to have FAITH because without it I felt alone. I choose to have FAITH because when I abandoned it my life felt harder. I choose to have FAITH because it turns out I have always had everything I need.

My FAITH comforts me when I am sad, my FAITH pats me on the back when I am down or lost, my FAITH is strong enough that I can stay committed to it in the face of adversity. In some of my darkest hours when many would question if this were just a bunch of bullshit for weak-minded people I found the strength to push on.

I found the perseverance to say that Yes I can make it through this, that there was a reason I went to war, saw extreme violence, went through my parents divorce, grew up poor, got lost in drugs, had my heart broken over and over, I came out on top. It does not matter what happened yesterday because today I found FAITH I found a reason to feel good, I found a reason to believe, what can be more beautiful than that?

I have FAITH because I can still find a reason to smile. I have FAITH because even when things are tough I can feel good about something. I have hope that if I hold onto the positives in my life the bad will work its way out. I have FAITH because when I listen to my emotions they tell me what I need to do.

I have hope for those who do not have FAITH. I am not here to throw it upon them; tell them that they are wrong or lost; everyone takes their own journey. I have FAITH for those who have been stepped on, those who have been taken advantage of, those who have been beaten down, those who feel lost, those who want to give up, those who just cant believe; because I want to share my faith. Because it may just be too hard to admit or believe that there could be FAITH when life just keeps shitting on them, that is why I have FAITH.

I have FAITH because I want them to know they are never alone. I am full of FAITH because even as I listen to stories from those who have none I see the twinkle in their eye. I see the yearning of their soul; I can feel their energy. I have FAITH because I know when they ask they will be answered. I have FAITH because if they do not find it this time they will get to try again. I have FAITH because I do not believe you ever lose in this game. I will never judge those for not having FAITH for I had lost mine too. They decide if they want faith, if they need faith, it may not be for everyone, hell it may not even be real.

I am not worried if FAITH is real for when I go within my heart sings, and if that is wrong, or not real I do not care.

In your times of struggle you can turn to me, I will be strong for you, I will let you know that you are special; I will be here for you. I love all of you.

32 Things I am thankful for

1. I am thankful for my wife.
2. I am thankful that my wife is willing to work on Thanksgiving so I do not have to.
3. I am thankful she is willing to put the needs of others before her own.
4. I am thankful she has stuck with me through the good and the bad.
5. I am thankful my mother is here with me on thanksgiving.
6. I am thankful for my wonderful nephew Zachary, I just love him so much. He is a representation of all that is good and right with this world!
7. I am thankful for my father, and am enjoying reminiscing about the Thanksgiving he spent with me last year.
8. I am thankful for my two wonderful sisters. I love them both so much, and appreciate how they have been with me through thick and thin.
9. I am thankful for all my wonderful aunts and uncles, who have always loved me and I love them.
10. I am thankful for my Grandfather who always wants what is best for all of his children and grandkids.
11. I am thankful for the spirit of my grandmother, for she comes to me whenever I ask and I can always feel her presence and her love.
12. I am thankful for Dr. Leonard for without him my wonderful spine and my overall wellness would not be where it is today.
13. I am thankful for my boss Ed, because he gave me a job when I needed one and gave me the tools to become the successful trainer I am today.
14. I am thankful for all of the workers who helped package, farm, and raise the delicious food that I will consume on this day.
15. I am thankful for all of my cousins, as they are all different and I love them all for many reasons. I have been blessed with a great family and every time I with them it is truly a blessing.
16. I am thankful for my friends who are in MN and thankful for my friends who are right here in California.
17. I am thankful for the memories I have at the lake house with my man Luke and the time we spent the night in his truck. As terrible as that was sleeping in a small truck in the middle of the winter it still makes me laugh every time I think about it.
18. I am thankful for my friend since day 1, Matt Bartell, he and I have been through hell and back and basically 20 years later we are still great friends.
19. I am thankful that I have this very warm house to be in right now.
20. I am thankful that I have two wonderful dogs, which are always there for me and always love me.
21. I am grateful for Miss. Kim and all that she has done for me, and I am thankful that she is a close friend of mine. I am grateful that I am lucky enough to be able to call on her in a time of need or when I just want to discuss the universe. What a gift she has helped me find, I am forever grateful.
22. I am thankful for all of my clients, because without them I would be nothing as a trainer. A special thanks to Janine, who has been with me since the day I started as a trainer, she has come so far!
23. I am thankful for all of the hard work my clients give, because their dedication to working out is what drives me to become an even better trainer.
24. I am thankful for anyone who has to work today, whether military, a nurse, or the poor guy at Wal-Mart, because without them our country would not be as great as it is.
25. I am thankful for my coffee pot, as it is cold in my house as I write this and I am looking forward to warming my belly with some organic Seattle’s Best breakfast blend.
26. I am thankful for the talents that I have been blessed with, I find peace, comfort, and oneness in my writing and without it I would be a mess. I am especially thankful for anyone who would take the time to read my blog, it means the world to me!
27. I am thankful to my God who never left me and after many long years of searching I returned to him. I was never alone, she was with me the whole time, right here inside of me.
28. I am thankful I have discovered meditation. Meditation brought me back to God, has showed me the wonders of the Universe, and has taugh me how to “be.” Being still is the greatest thing I have discovered in this lifetime.
29. I am thankful that I found California. I belong here, my soul feel’s right here, my body loves it here, and my mind never wants to leave.
30. I am thankful for this beautiful house we live in and the family that we have made so far.
31. I am thankful for Facebook because it has allowed me to reconnect with some amazing friends from high school.
32.. I am thankful for everything in my life, the up’s and the downs, the highs and lows, the light and the dark, because without it I would not be me.

For Veterans

Surrendering part of yourself,
Commitment to those who go through the struggle with you,
Walking into the unknown with only those who stand next to you,
Praying to God that you will come home safe,

Finding comfort in those who use to be complete strangers,
Swallowing your fears and anxieties,
Security now comes in the form of an M-16 and Kevlar vest,
Hoping the training was enough,

Trying to remember you simply have a job to do,
Asking yourself is this what I really signed up for,
Holding onto the image of your wife’s crying face as you part her,
Swearing you will make it back to her,

Missing the little things,
A hot shower,
A quiet night,
The sense of security of your own home,
The smell of a woman,

Counting down the days till you are home,
Making new friends,
Having some good laughs,
Realizing it is not always so bad,

Grateful for the experience I have had,
Excited to get on that plane,
Anxious to return home,
Anticipating what I will do first,

First step off that plane,
How I love this new sense of freedom,
An urge to bend down and kiss the ground,
And then...

There she is, the reason I was able to make it through those days,
A sense of joy that cannot be described,
I pick her up and swing her around,
Welcome home.

To all of the Veterans on this day, while I wish we would find an answer to the world’s problems that does not involve violence, I have been there done that. And because of that experience I will forever respect those who have gone before us and gave up everything for a mission greater than themselves.

The Tree

We are all one. We are all connected. We are all part of the all that there is and when we take that to heart our lives will unfold in the most beautiful ways.

Just as a mother feels so connected to her child, as I continue to evolve I realize I am feeling more and more connected to each and every one of you.

When I walk down the street and see “strangers” I realize they are each individuals, just another expression of God. Another way for God to experience life on Earth.

Is it no wonder why we all look so different, experience such different highs and lows? But when we step back we realize we all go through struggles, we all go through really good times. What one may experience as an extremely tough time with no possible solution, another will embrace the challenge, come out on top and evolve that much further on this journey we call life.
We are all one. There are examples everywhere of this amazing unity that we all share with one another.

As I was walking this morning, I was doing my best to live in the moment. For this moment I have the power to decide how I am going to feel. I took my time, I smelt the air, I listened to the birds waking up, and I felt a little bit of warmth on my face as the sun came out. Moments like this are truly beautiful, I am focused on the right now, and I feel good. I feel alive. I feel connected.

Continuing to observe nature as I walked I realized the perfect example of unity was right there in front of me.
A massive tree stood in my path and I could not help but be taken back by its obvious beauty. This Oak tree with its tall, branches extended in every direction, beautiful leaves hanging, some already ventured to the ground. The roots of this tree were enormous and firmly planted in the ground, stretching out in all directions as if forming a layer of protection to ensure that life will go on for this tree.

What greater sign do I need that we are all connected than the perfect example that this tree offered? So many of us just walk through our days, just doing what we feel we should. We go to our jobs, we go to school, we take care of our families and before you know it we are 40, or 50 or older. We have let so many moments in our lives pass us by that offer us chances to get closer to the source of life.

Appreciating the beauty of this tree brought me closer to my source and I could feel the energy and love flowing through me as I thought of all the things this tree has been through and all that it represents.

This tree once started out as a seed, just as you and I started out as an embryo. But someone had to plant that tree in order for it to start its wonderful life. We did not become until the perfect time when two people came together to create life. And the lives of those people with enough faith can be traced all the way back to when life began. As the roots of this tree spread everywhere, it makes me think of all the different people all over the world and how at one point there were only two.
As the roots of this tree spread over many years to become strong, I think of the first humans venturing out and reproducing until eventually they touched all corners of the globes.

Notice the trunk of the tree sturdy, strong, and unaffected by outside circumstances. It does not matter if someone even tries to cut down this tree, it will stay true to itself and just try to grow. The tree does not get caught up in the past where people may have mistreated, or ignored it. The tree simply continues to find a way to survive.

Humans can learn a lot from this example. We need not hold onto the past if it leaves a bad taste in our mouths. We can take those experiences, learn the lessoned they offered and move on.

Have you ever noticed how an Oak tree peels away layers only to reveal a stronger layer of skin underneath? We are the same way, we can peel away old emotions, and we can start anew anytime we choose.

I stood there and removed some of the peeling bark and thought as I dropped the bark to the ground, it really is this easy to let go and focus on moving forward. It really is this easy to feel good.

Work your way up the tree; notice how the tree branches off in several directions. Is this not the perfect representation of all of the choices in life that we have. Whether the branch went straight up to the sky, or went left and hangs only a few inches off the ground, is it not beautiful that it is still connected to that source which gave it life.

When I finally got all the way up the leaves were the most beautiful part. They are like individual identities that even though very much separated are still connected. Just as we humans who embrace our diversity, we can also hold onto the love. The knowing that we all came and are a part of the same source. We are not separate but rather an extension of our source.

As some of the leaves fall to the ground, and eventually break down to return to the earth, I can’t help but think of the circle of life.

We never truly die, we move on to return to that source which gave us this most beautiful life in the first place.

That tree is beautiful, you are beautiful, and we are all one!

Time for Grad school!

As I was meditating this morning, a thought jumped into my consciousness and would not leave. I tried to just let it run its course but I could not remove my focus from it and therefore in order to deal with it I am putting the thoughts down on paper so I can once again return to clarity.
I am about to embark on another new journey in my life with which I have a lot of mixed feelings. I am starting grad school in about two weeks. I am very eager to begin my first day of class.
I will be attending A.T. Still University and pursuing a master’s in public health. This is a very exciting thing for me to get started on. I have been searching for many years on what would be the next stepping stone after personal training. And while I have aspirations to continue with some of my clients for as long as they have me, working as a full-time personal trainer is not a career I truly want forever.
There are several reasons public health is so appealing to me.
1. I find it amazing the basic general lack of knowledge it today’s society about the importance of diet, exercise, and stress.
2. I have had wonderful success on an individual basis with many of my clients and I am eager to share my knowledge and get involved with communities instead of just individuals.
3. There is a misunderstanding among the public who believe that they need not take action until something is already wrong, I wish to bring a more pro-active approach to health care.
4. The jobs in public health are numerous, ultimately I would like to work as a public health educator, but I can also see myself getting involved in non-profits who strive to make the world a healthier place.
I am already proud to be a part of A.T. Still university as their mission statement and approach to medicine is what drew me to them in the first place. A.T. Still is a school of osteopathic medicine who believes that optimal health is not merely achieved through attention to the physical body, they also believe in tending to the mind and the spirit as well.
Many of the D.O’s who graduate from A.T. Still believe that the mind, body, spirit connection is too great to ignore. I have had the privilege to read numerous journal articles published by A.T. Still that offers many different approaches to wellness rather than just treating the symptoms.
I am living proof that when one addresses a medical condition (migraines) from a three-tier approach that the results are undeniable. I am committed to make some changes to the way medicine is practiced in this country. I do not believe we as a country need to force anything upon anyone, but if I take an approach that offers people more and more evidence and knowledge on why it is so important to be pro-active not only will we have more productive citizens in this country we will also save billions on health care. Obviously something as big as medicine and the money and politics involved will make changes come very slow but if I do not try things will never change.
If everyone does not have health care in this country (which I do find morally wrong) the least we can do is educate them to the benefits of a diet filled with nutritious food. We do not need to ban the sale of McDonalds because eventually society will evolve to the point where people realize how important their bodies are and they would personally choose to no longer fill their bodies with toxins and waste. Right now too many people just do not care or realize how much benefit they can give to themselves but exercising and eating right.
It is like putting water in your gas tank when you eat fast food, it does not belong there and will not function very well. If you fill your body with crap you are going to limit its abilities to function at its best. Everything your body ever needs either walks on the earth, grows in the earth, or swims in the sea. Hippocrates said it best, “Let you food be thy medicine and thy medicine be thy food.”
I want to be a part of this change. I am excited to help this country get healthier and help people start taking more responsibility for their own well-being.
I am going to great things for the health of this country, I am passionate and committed to this goal of mine. I am very excited to start school and make a difference.